Salty Speculations

I wrote this about four months ago and realized tonight the amount of difference in my life in just those four months. Its been about a year and a half now since the person this poem is written about and I parted ways which is about the same amount of time we were together.  This poem acts as a closer for me and I think it is appropriate to post it completing that chapter as I move on and have a date this coming weekend, the first that I’ve had since.

Lie in the Rain –

We sat there in silence after you spat out

I love you

I didn’t assure you the same for two days

And I did so braving the ice and snow

Almost sliding off the road to be frozen

Before I could be frozen in fear of replying

And now we again sit in silence

Peering into a space that used to be

What we called love

And the weight in the air settles on my heart

And makes me what to lie in the rain

And wash the heaviness on my soul away

Like the last bit of snow before spring

The commitment I made now sending agonizing chills through my body

As the freezing of those words happens

Never again to be thawed

To be used as fuel for a fire of passion and dependence

And as the quiet continues my mind returns back

To that first night of uncertainty

And I question if I had assured you sooner

If perhaps we wouldn’t be here now

Sitting in the rising ash of the smoldering wreckage

Of the last eighteen months

And I realize that its only half my blame

For my nagging, over protectiveness,

And fear of losing what we had together

And as for the latter, well you can’t blame me now

But in this moment what aches the most

Is that two people can’t be together

Because of a difference

That doesn’t make a difference to me

And so as this silence draws to a close

I’ll utter one last farewell assurance

Then I’ll go and lay in the rain

And wash the heaviness on my soul away

Like the last bit of snow before spring

MCML

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